


Crush Culture

by bebopboi



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Crush, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Mental Health Issues, Out of Character, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 18:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16522481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebopboi/pseuds/bebopboi





	1. heavy

“Knock, knock.”  
  
I looked up from my phone to see Jason leaning against the doorway. He tiredly stared in my direction as he flipped through the pages attached to his clipboard. “We, uh, hit a bit of the snag in the production line, so we're gonna' be out a couple hundred cans, but other than that the damage was minimal.” He glanced at his watch and sighed. “You're still here?”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“It's been like ten hours, Lor.”  
  
“Shh.” I bought my finger up to my lips and leaned back in my chair. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  
  
“You were supposed to leave like two hours ago.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Okay, so, get going then.”  
  
“But Rich asked m-”  
  
“For fuck sakes, Lor, no.” Jason stomped over to my chair. He wiggled it violently, causing me to almost fall off. He smirked and rested his hand on my shoulder. “I know you don't want to go, but it would mean a lot to Kevin.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and let out a long, angry sigh. I knew he was right. “Fine, fine. Whatever.” I stood up from my chair and rubbed my eyes. It was nearly five and the rehearsal was supposed to start then, which meant I was definitely going to be late. I grabbed my bag and coat off the hanger on the left side of the room and walked to the doorway. “Hey uh, Jason, could you, uh, make sure everything runs s-”  
  
“Yes, yes,” he groaned, “now shut up and go already.”  
  
I nodded and rushed out of the warehouse to my car. I threw my stuff on the passenger's side and started it up. Without even looking I swiftly backed out of my spot and changed gears before quickly driving out of the lot and merging onto the highway. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I changed lanes in preparation to take the next exit. The venue was around a twenty minute drive from here, which meant if I drove fast enough I'd only be a little late.  
  
Suddenly, my phone erupted in chorus of sounds and vibrations. I pulled it out of my back pocket and narrowed my eyes at the screen. It was Kevin. I sighed deeply and put it on speaker, resting it on the dash. “Uh, hey Kev, what's up?”  
  
“Where are you?” He was mad, which was to be expected.  
  
“I'm on my way. We had an outage at work I had to deal with. I'm sorry.”  
  
“No you're not.”  
  
I swallowed hard. It was true. I wasn't sorry. Not in the slightest. Honestly, if it were up to me I wouldn't have even accepted the invitation. I hated hanging out with my family more than anything.  
  
“The wedding is tomorrow and I haven't heard from you in weeks.” He breathed heavily. “Just once can you do something nice for me and just pretend like you care?”  
  
I swallowed hard.  
  
“Mom and Dad are literally breathing down my fucking neck waiting for you to show up like this shit is about you. Well, it's not. Not this time.”  
  
“Kevin, look,” I bit my bottom lip, trying to arrange my thoughts before speaking, “I love you, you're a good brother, but Mom and Dad are fucking psychos and dealing with them is hard for me. The fact that I'm even coming is a miracle. I understand why you're mad. I really do. I would be too if I were in your shoes, but please, just this once, don't end the night hating me. I want to be there for you and for Penelope.” I took a couple of deep breaths, waiting for him to say something.  
  
He was silent for a while. The background noise on his end of the call took over. I could hear people chatting with one another, laughter, and relaxing music.  
  
“Kev?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Sorry. Dad's drinking again.” I could almost hear his eyes roll.  
  
I sighed. “I'll be there soon, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“I'm sorry.”  
  
He hung up the phone without another word. I groaned and grabbed my phone. I opened Spotify and started playing a random playlist I'd made sometime last week and just continued driving. The sounds of the music calmed me instantly as I stared at the road ahead.  
  
So badly I wished I could be like Kevin. He was a way better person than me. Often times whenever I was around him I felt jealous. He had this amazing life. He was a university graduate with an amazing job that was both challenging and fulfilling. He had a ton of friends, both on and offline who he was always in contact with. He had Penelope now too, who, after a bit of a rough patch, was now going to be his wife. Plus, Mom and Dad were  _actually_  proud of him.  
  
I had none of that stuff. Nothing in my life made me feel good. I went to school, only to drop out half way through because I got too depressed. I got a job that I loved in the beginning, until I got promoted. My only friend was Jason, if you could even call him that. And romance was something that was completely off the table, mostly due to the fact that I didn't want to end up like my parents.  
  
“Fuck.” Every time I was forced to see my parents my brain always reverted back to comparing myself to Kevin, which I hated. I hated that I couldn't just be happy for him. That there had to be this toxic energy behind everything. I couldn't go a single moment without thinking about how I could get better,  _be_  better. I wanted to prove my worth. Not only to him, but to Mom and Dad, who despite all the shit they put me through, I still cared about.  
  
After exiting off the highway I made a couple of left and right turns before arriving downtown. I was getting closer. I brushed my hair behind my ears as I glanced on either side of the street, trying to find the address. The rehearsal was in this swanky hotel right in the center of the city. Our parents paid for the whole thing, which was a surprise to no one, because Kevin always got the best.  
  
When I found the address I pulled into the front. There was a valet who motioned me forward. I followed his directions, stopping where I was told to. I grabbed my stuff from the seat next to me and jumped out of the car, throwing him the keys. I thanked him and we flashed each other a smile as I quickly ran into the building.  
  
I ran to the front desk. “Hey, uh is there a bathroom near by?”  
  
The lady raised her brow at me. “Uh, bathrooms are for gu-”  
  
“Oh, shit, right, uh, I'm with the Lynch's. I'm their daughter.”  
  
She instantly perked up, flashing me a grin as she directed me to the bathroom without further questions. I thanked her, despite my better judgment telling me not to. I booked it to the bathroom to change into my dress, hurling myself into the nearest stall. I ripped off my grungy work clothes and threw my dress over my head. I then reached into my bag and grabbed a pair of heels; kicking off my sneakers and socks before slipping them on. I felt my feet instantly throb. I sighed deeply and shoved all my dirty clothes into my bag.  
  
I threw open the stall door and ran back to the front desk after realizing I forgot to ask where to go next. The woman pointed towards a large set of doors straight across the room. I briskly walked towards them, opening them quietly. Once inside, I glanced around the room. There were probablya little over thirty people inside. Most of them standing in groups, talking among themselves. I let out a sigh of relief. Dinner hadn't started yet.  
  
“Where the fuck have you been?” Dad instantly stood in front of me, a glass of gin and tonic wrapped tightly in his grasp. His brows furrowed intensely as he narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. He was the grumpiest man I'd ever seen and he was like that at all times.  
  
I rolled my eyes. “I was working. Not all of us have the privilege of retirement.”  
  
He snorted angrily. “Don't give me that attitude. Today is an important d-”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I brushed past him without another word. I knew if I stuck around him for too long I'd blow up and Kevin would get even more furious with me.  
  
I made a b-line for the bar. If I was going to survive tonight I was going to have to be intoxicated. My affinity for alcohol definitely came from my father's genes. I couldn't survive without it most days, which was why it was my job to produce it.  
  
“Can I get just get whatever beer you recommend?”  
  
The bartender grabbed a bottle, opened it, then handed it to me. I thanked him and chugged about the half the bottle right at the counter. I let out a sigh, smiling slightly. That was exactly what I needed.  
  
“The Lynch's daughter I presume?” The bartender raised his eyebrow at me as he cleaned a glass.  
  
“Yup,” I took another sip, “was Dad over here complaining to you?”  
  
“Unfortunately.” He rolled his eyes.  
  
“Well, sorry for him. Make sure to cut him off pretty early in the night. He's gets to be quite the angry drunk when he has a few too many.” I flashed the bartender a small smirk before moving towards the dinner tables where people began to gather. I glanced around, trying to find my seat.  
  
“I'm glad you decided to show up.” I turned to face Kevin, who looked a lot less angry than I thought he would. He smiled slightly, pulling me in for a tight hug. “I'm sorry about yelling at you over the phone. I know this is hard.”  
  
I hugged him back. “It's okay. Dad already did his thing and I warned the bartender, so the night can go on a little bit more peacefully now.” I pulled away. “Where's my seat?”  
  
“Uh, well, okay, please don't get mad.”  
  
I narrowed my eyes.  
  
“I figured you wouldn't want to sit with Mom and Dad and they're sitting with me, so I kind of sat you next to Penelope's friends instead.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. The idea of socializing with people made me want to die. I mean, being next to my parents was definitely significantly worse, but this was a close second on the worst seating arrangements possible. “Is it like that for the wedding too?”  
  
Kevin nodded. “Look, they're very nice. They all work with us, so they're friendly and kind of know who you are. I filled them in.”  
  
“Are they going to like, profile me and shit?”  
  
“Yes, no, I mean,” he breathed deeply, “probably, but I promise they'll keep it to themselves.”  
  
“Whatever.”  
  
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in for another hug. “You'll have lots of fun, I swear. Maybe not tonight as it's more of a get to know you thing for everyone, but tomorrow will be awesome.”  
  
“Okay. Just take me to my seat. Let's get this shit over with.”  
  
“That's the spirit.” He led me to one of the tables closest to his. It had seven seats. All of which were currently empty. I gave him another quick hug before throwing my stuff on my seat and ditching him to go back to the bar. I drank the rest of my beer before getting to the counter where I switched the empty for a brand new one.  
  
I could tell it was going to be a long night just from the amount of emotions I was already feeling. My brain ran a hundred miles a minute as it tried to keep up with everything else that was going on. I glanced around the room, noticing the vast amount of people I didn't recognized. I figured it was mostly friends of the bride and groom. They were both very social people, unlike me.  
  
“Loretta?”  
  
I turned around to face Mom who looked like she was about to cry. Unlike Dad she used guilt rather than anger to attack me. Most of the time when we interacted it was just her talking about how much she missed me and how I was a horrible daughter for not visiting more often. This to me was worse than Dad's aggressive outbursts, because most of the stuff she said was undeniably true.  
  
“Hey Mom.”  
  
She pulled me in for a tight hug, which I returned lazily. When we separated she sipped her wine and gave me her classic side eye. “Where have you been for the last six months? You haven't even called.”  
  
“Yeah, well, it's not like you guys call me either?” I sipped my beer and stared out at the various groups of people forming. I noticed at the corner of my eye a couple people from my table had sat down were talking to one another.  
  
“Well your father and I are very busy with the-”  
  
“I'm also busy.” I cut her off.  
  
“Yes, b-”  
  
“Hey, we should sit down. Dinner is going to start soon.” I flashed a very large and very fake smile before moving towards my table without saying another word. I didn't even bother looking back either, instead I bolted towards my seat and awkwardly threw my stuff on the floor and sat down. I didn't even bother making eye contact with anyone. I stared at the table, sipping my beer silently.  
  
“Uh, hey, you're Loretta, right?”  
  
I glanced at the tall, dark skinned man sitting next to me. I stopped breathing the second we made eye contact. His piercing eyes and muscular stature definitely made him a sight for sore eyes.  
  
“Ah, y-yeah, that's me.”  
  
He reached his hand out from under the table and handed it to me, flashing a big, perfect smile. “I'm Derek Morgan. Best friend of the bride.”  
  
I took his hand shakily, giving it a small squeeze as I nodded. “You can just call me Lor. I'm Kev's sister.”  
  
“How come you aren't up there with him?” He raised his brow as he released my grasp.  
  
I took a long sip of beer before answering. “My parents and I aren't really on good terms.”  
  
“Oh, I see.” He nodded. “Well, this table is definitely much more exciting anyways.” He motioned towards the rest of the people sitting at the table who all stared in my direction. One by one he introduced me to each person. I felt my face grow hot the longer I sat, awkwardly nodding and smiling at each one. Once the intros were over everyone began talking to whoever was next to them, leaving Derek and I to sit in silence.  
  
“So, uh, you work with Penelope?” I wasn't sure what to say at this point.  
  
“Yeah. It's been nearly thirteen years now, I think.” He chuckled. “Time flies while you're having fun, I guess.”  
  
“She is pretty fun.” Despite all the bad blood between my family and I, I loved Penelope like a sister already. She was the perfect fit for Kevin and somehow my parents loved her, despite her loud, rough around the edges personality. I remember the first day she met my family Kevin called me from the bathroom freaking out. He was so scared they were going to hate her. Somehow she wooed the pants off them though, which at the time we were surprised about. Knowing her now though, it just made sense. Penelope could could charm the pants off of anybody.  
  
Derek and I spoke for a couple more minutes before the speeches began. It started off with my parents and slowly moved onto Penelope's friend from school before the mic was handed off to Derek who stood from his seat. He gave a beautiful speech about loyalty and bravery and how proud he was of the two of them. A lot of the stuff he was talking about went over my head, seeing as I didn't work with them and Kevin and I's relationship was typically pretty surface level. About half way through I could feel my anxiety bubbling up. Everything Derek said felt like a blur. I couldn't make it out and for some odd reason that really hit me hard. At that moment I realized that I barely knew anything about my brother.  
  
I could feel my chest grow heavier with each breath and my eyes begin to well up. I glanced around the room. I knew everyone was staring at Derek, but it didn't feel like that. Having to sit next to him made me panic more. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes and tried to focus on anything, but this moment. I gripped the fabric of my dress and counted to ten over and over again in my head, but all I could imagine was the faces of people staring at me. I breathed and breathed until Derek stopped talking and the applause roared across the room. My eyes shot open as everyone began talking among themselves once again. I reached for my beer and downed it before grabbing my phone out of my purse and calmly leaving the room followed by the hotel.  
  
I stood outside, my arms crossed over my chest as I stared at my phone. I had no calls no messages no friends to rely on. I was completely alone with my thoughts and I hated it. I rubbed my face violently with my hand, trying to get rid of the tears forming in my eyes, but it didn't work. I felt a sob bubble up from the depths of my throat and the next thing I knew I was hysterically crying. I walked towards the valet from earlier. Without hesitation he handed me my keys and pointed me in the direction of my car. I ran towards it. Once there, I unlocked the trunk and grabbed a beer from the cooler I always kept inside. Like Dad, alcohol was my coping mechanism, which meant I always needed a special stash just in case.  
  
I closed the trunk and sat in the drivers seat. I grabbed a bottle opener from my glove box and pried the beer open, watching the cap fall somewhere in between the seats. I cried violently and pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. My horn went off, causing me to jump backwards, smashing my head against the back of the seat. I let out a shaky sigh and brought the beer to my lips, throwing my head back.  
  
A figure walked towards my window, knocking it a couple of times with his knuckle. I stared down at the floor, knowing I'd been busted by the hotel staff. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, before rolling down my window. “Look, I'm s-”  
  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
  
I glanced up at the person standing next to my car. He was a tall, lanky guy with light brown hair that grew just past his ears in thick waves. His skin was pale and sickly looking and the facial hair he grew was sparse and unkempt. Overall, he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.  
  
“Uh, um...” I cleared my throat and awkwardly placed my beer in the cup holder next to me. Hoping he wouldn't notice.  
  
“Sorry if I startled you. I just saw you crying and you honked your horn and uh...”  
  
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and breathed deeply. “I'm fine. Sorry if I scared you.” I tried to flash him a smile, but instead just started crying again.  
  
“You don't seem alright.” He stated. “Do you need anything?”  
  
Without thinking I grabbed my beer from the cup holder and took another sip. I could see the look of disappointment in his eyes as I did it. I didn't care though. I didn't even know this guy.  
  
He stood in silence, looking me up and down for a couple of seconds. “Do you need me to call you a cab or something? Maybe drive you home?”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “I'm not going to let some crazy guy I don't know drive me home.”  
  
“I'm not some crazy guy,” he half chuckled, “I work for the  _Behavioral Analysis Unit_ , so, uh, I'd say I'm pretty trust worthy.”  
  
I blinked a couple of times before realizing what he'd just said. He worked with Kevin, which meant he was probably here for the rehearsal too. I widened my eyes in his direction. I wanted to die. “You work with Kev?”  
  
“I mean, sort of. He helps us from time to t-” he stopped for a second. “Wait, were you just at...?”  
  
I nodded. “I'm Kevin's sister.”  
  
“Oh.” He frowned.  
  
I figured Kevin really meant what he said when he told me he filled everyone in. They probably already knew about how I was at these things. How often times I barely made it through the whole night without storming out and falling off the face of the earth. The last time we had a family get together was Christmas two years ago. It was around then that things between Penelope and Kevin were getting serious again. I remember they had a huge falling out and that year they'd talked things through and decided to try things out again. My parents invited everyone for dinner. I almost didn't go, but like I said, Penelope was a charmer. She told me everything would be fine and I believed her. Half way through the night my parents started lecturing me about my job and how it wasn't something a woman should be doing. I remember feeling so numb to their words. I drank until I basically couldn't even function and then left the property. The next morning I woke up in Jason's bed. To this day I still don't know how I got there or what happened.  
  
“You should go inside. They're probably looking for you.” I played with my thumbnail awkwardly.  
  
“Only if you promise to let me get you home safe.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. I knew there was no way I was going to get rid of this guy without doing what he said. “Fine.” I grabbed my beer from the cup holder and motioned him to move. I slid out and stood next to him. He was at least half a foot taller than me. I brushed past him awkwardly and walked to the passenger side. I threw my stuff into the back and sat down, throwing on my seat belt. I held my beer tightly to my chest, sipping it slowly.  
  
He got in the driver's seat and he too put on his seat belt. He started the car and slowly backed up, glancing at the various mirrors surrounding the inner and outer parts of the car. He handed me his phone. “Put your address in.”  
  
I did as I was told and then handed it back to him. He took a quick look before speeding off out of the lot and onto the road. He let out a long sigh. “You know it's illegal to have open alcohol in the car, right?”  
  
“I'm not an idiot.” I retorted. I downed the rest of it before chucking the empty bottle on the floor. “Now it's empty.”  
  
He merely sighed again.  
  
We spent most of the car ride sitting in silence, which I was definitely thankful for. After tonight I felt completely overstimulated. All I wanted to do was sit at home alone and listen to music and cry. Around the half way mark though my phone starting ringing again. I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to ignore it, but it just kept going.  
  
“It might be important.” He said.  
  
I shot him a grumpy look before reaching into the bag and grabbing it. It was Penelope. I bit my bottom lip and answered without saying a word.  
  
“Lor, are you okay? We saw you leave. I'm sorry if your parents said anything. Kevin is freaking out right now. He just needs to know you're okay.”  
  
“I'm fine.” I said quietly.  
  
“Where are you?” She sounded worried, which was to be expected.  
  
“On my way home.”  
  
“You're not driving are you?” Kevin yelled.  
  
“One of your friend's is driving me home.” I replied.  
  
“Who?” Penelope asked.  
  
I glanced over at him, realizing I had no clue what his name was. He looked back at me, raising his brow curiously. “Uh, the tall nerd.” I responded.  
  
He scoffed, shaking his head.  
  
“Oh thank god. Put Spencer on the phone.”  
  
I handed him the phone. He held it between his shoulder and his ear as he spoke. I couldn't hear what Penelope was saying on her end, but Spencer nearly responded with a couple of yeses and nos before hanging up the phone. He held it in his hand for a couple more seconds, typing something out before handing it back to me. “Penelope said Kevin's going to drop off your car tomorrow so I texted her the address.”  
  
I ran my fingers through my hair. I had completely forgotten about the fact that I'd have to do all this again tomorrow.  _Fuck._  
  
The rest of the drive was back to silence, which gave me a lot of time to think about how I was going to handle myself tomorrow. As much as I wanted to hide away and pretend like nothing ever happened I knew I couldn't. Tomorrow was my brother's wedding and even though we had a rocky relationship I needed to be there for him. I needed to prove to him I was at least a decent sister some of the time.  
  
Once we arrived to my house I felt relieved. I grabbed my stuff out of the backseat, clutching it tightly against my chest as I sat for a couple of moments. I glanced over at Spencer who was staring down at his phone, typing up a message. I so badly wanted to hug him. Thank him for everything he'd done, but in all honesty that just wasn't me. I wasn't the kind of person who showed their gratitude. I was brash and unapologetic.  
  
I unlocked the car door and stepped outside, slamming the door behind me. I didn't bother looking back. I held in my emotions as I got to my front doorstep and unlocked the door. I breathed heavily, holding the knob in my hand as I heard Spencer shift gears. I bit my bottom lip and turned towards him, watching as he stared at me. He gave me a small wave and I returned it, watching as he turned his attention to the car. He pulled out of the driveway and left without another thought.  
  
I swallowed hard and opened the front door. The house was pitch black when I entered, which kind of freaked me out. For some odd reason, the idea of being alone shifted into something I didn't necessarily want. I felt uncomfortable. I dropped everything but my phone on the floor and closed the door behind me, locking it, too. I then turned on every light in the house I could find, breathing heavily as I walked through the living room to my bedroom. I could feel my anxiety coming at me full force. I ripped off my clothes and pulled on a fresh pair of underwear and a baggy t-shirt before hopping into bed. I started setting an alarm on my phone when it started ringing again. It was an unknown number, but it was local.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey, uh, sorry, again. This is probably uncomfortable for you, but this is Spencer. I just want to make sure you're okay.”  
  
I bit my bottom lip.  
  
“You there?”  
  
“Uh, yeah, um, yes. Yes I'll be okay.”  
  
“I know I'm probably one of the last people you want to talk to, because we don't know each other, but if you ever need anything just let me know, especially tomorrow. I'll be sitting right next to you.”  
  
“Okay.” I wasn't sure what to say.  
  
“Anyways, goodnight... uh, I didn't actually get your name.”  
  
“It's Lor.”  
  
“Goodnight Lor.”  
  
“Goodnight Spencer.”  
  
I hung up and clutched my phone to my chest, which was pounding heavily like a drum. I couldn't help but feel weird after that conversation. What kind of person just helps someone like me for no reason? What did he have to gain from it? Literally nothing, right? So why was it such a big deal to him that I was okay. I figured it was because of Penelope. She probably said something to him over the phone or something.  
  
I plugged my phone in to charge and set an alarm for the morning before rolling over and trying to clear my mind, which became damn near impossible as time went on. I laid there for what felt like hours, trying to get that weird looking man out of my head. Every time I closed my eyes though, there he was with his sunken eyes and scraggly hair. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling.  
  
 _What was wrong with me?_


	2. out of order

I heard Kevin knocking on the front door around nine in the morning. By then I'd already been awake for an hour and was sitting on the couch drinking coffee. I tiredly peeled myself from my seat and walked to the front door, unlocking it before throwing it open. Kevin stood on the other side of the frame, holding my car keys in one hand and a plastic coffee cup in the other. He swallowed hard and flashed me an awkward grin.  
  
“Hey.” I motioned him to come inside.  
  
“Hi.” He stepped in, kicking off his shoes. He handed me my keys and followed me towards the living room where we sat next to each other on the couch. “Your house is a lot nicer than I thought it was going to be.”  
  
I scrunched up my face. “Why's that?”  
  
“Well you're a mess, so I figured your house would reflect that.”  
  
“Gee thanks.” I sipped my coffee.  
  
“Listen, about last night. Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
“During the speeches I kind of freaked out. I don't know what or why or how, but I started getting an anxiety attack so I went outside and it started getting worse and then Spencer found me drinking beer in my car and basically forced me to let him drive me home, which was nice, but also weird and I don't know man. He just really helped me last night and I don't know what to say t-”  
  
“Slow down there.” Kevin put his cup on the coffee table and adjusted himself so he was facing me. “You were drinking in your car?”  
  
I nodded. “I have extra beer from work.”  
  
He gave me a disappointment sigh as he shook his head. “Lor. You need to stop with the drinking. Do you want to end up like Dad?”  
  
“I basically already am Dad.”  
  
“I mean, true, but not entirely.”  
  
We both laughed, which probably would've made most people uncomfortable, but to us it was normal. Self deprecating, dark humor was what we Lynch children excelled at.  
  
“You should really thank Spencer.” Kevin added.  
  
I nodded. I knew he was right. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Or him for that matter. All night I kept dreaming about how instead of standing at the doorway last night, I would run over to him and hug him and thank him. It sounded lame, but I think it was my subconscious telling me to be less of an asshole to him.  
  
“I will.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“How'd the rest of the rehearsal go?” I felt bad for even asking.  
  
He shrugged. “I mean, it was boring as hell, but we got through.”  
  
“Nervous?”  
  
“Not in the slightest. I'm ready to marry her.”  
  
I smiled.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I'm really happy for you, Kev.” I took another sip of coffee.  
  
“So am I.”  
  
“Penelope's honestly the best girl you could've asked for.”  
  
“I know.” He shook his head. “I mean, she's smart and funny and hot. Wow.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “You still continue to be the superior sibling.”  
  
We chatted for about an hour about how the night went. Apparently after the speeches everyone enjoyed their food and then they played music and danced for a little bit. According to Kevin, Mom and Dad completely forgot about my absence, which made me both happy, because it meant everyone could actually enjoy themselves, and sad, because well, yeah.  
  
A little after ten-thirty Kevin got a text from Dad telling him to come back to the house. After that we said our goodbyes and off he went, leaving me alone with a couple of hours to spare before I had to be at the wedding.  
  
I very early on decided that going to the office was probably a bad idea, because I'd probably get sucked into work and never leave so I decided to go for food instead. I hopped in the shower and washed off the filth of last night. After that I did my hair and makeup before picking out an over sized Thrasher hoodie and a pair of black jeans. I slipped on a pair of socks and grabbed my phone from the bedside table.  
  
I had three text messages, which honestly gave me a bit of a shock. Nobody ever texted me aside from my boss.  
  


**MESSAGES (3)  
PENELOPE  
JASON  
703-784-3549**

  
  
I didn't even bother looking at Penelope or Jason's messages. Instead, I clicked on the last one.  
  
 _Hey, it's Spencer. You probably know that. You doing okay? Need anything?_  
  
I took a deep breath, debating whether or not to even respond. I really wanted to thank him. I knew over text wasn't necessarily the best way of doing it, but for me it was definitely a start. I ran over what to say in my head over and over again, but nothing seemed right. It all felt too rude. I wanted to show him I was actually grateful for what he did, because I was. If it wasn't for him saving my ass last night who knows where I would've ended up.  
  


_Hey, thanks a lot for last night. Really. I'm doing better. Could I treat you to lunch as a thank-you for last night?_

  
  
I hit send and threw my phone across my bed. I felt my chest grow tight as I stared at the black screen, waiting for it to light up. I figured he'd say no, but at the same time if he said yes I could pay for lunch and then do this wedding and never have to think about him again. My emotional debt would be clear and I could go back to unapologetic life where no favors were owed.  
  
A couple of minutes later my phone lit up. I stared at it until it went black again and then crawled towards it, grabbing it slowly.  
  
 _Sure. I know a really good diner on the east side. You like waffles?  
  
_

_More than any other food ever._

_  
  
Cool. Want me to pick you up? We could head straight to the wedding after and I could drive you home again. You know. Just in case._  
  
I dropped my phone on the bed again. I felt overwhelmed. Something about him made me feel uncomfortable. I pressed my fingertips against my temples and rubbed them in circular motions as I tried to steady my breathing. My heartbeat felt quick. I groaned in frustration and collapsed face first into my pillow. I just wanted today to be over.  
  
I laid there for a couple of minutes before responding back. I said yes and that that was probably a good idea. After that I threw my phone into my back pocket and went back into the living room. I grabbed my coffee off the table and took a sip. I cringed at the the taste. It'd gone cold.  
  
My phone started ringing. I grabbed it from my pocket and answered it without even looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”  
  
“You're alive.” It was Jason.  
  
“Barely.”  
  
“So it went terrible I'm assuming?”  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
“That's a yes,” he responded, “anyway, uh, any chance you could make it to the office before the wedding? Rich is on a rampage and you're the only one who can talk him down, especially after yesterday.”  
  
I thought about it for a split second, but soon after stuck with my gut. Going to work would only just make the temptation of not showing up worse. I couldn't do that to Kevin. Not after what happened last night. Plus, I made plans with Spencer already.  
  
“Can't.” I grabbed my coffee cup and walked over to the microwave. I pressed a couple of buttons and leaned against the counter while it heated up.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I'm, uh, I'm busy.”  
  
“Busy?” Jason sounded less than convinced, which was fair. I never did anything outside of work.  
  
“Yeah. I'm helping out with the wedding.”  
  
Jason laughed. “Yeah right.”  
  
“What is that so hard to believe?”  
  
“Uh, yes.”  
  
I let out a long sigh. “Fine. I'm going out for lunch with someone.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Is Loretta Lynch going on a d-”  
  
“No.” I cut him off.  
  
“Then who is it?”  
  
“His name is Spencer and he's my ride to the wedding. We're getting lunch.” I figured if I stated everything matter of factly he'd be more willing to believe me.  
  
Jason was the kind of a guy who made something out of nothing, which definitely had it's pros and cons. He was always very dramatic, typically over the littlest of things. This made talking to him hard sometimes. Everything you said was dissected and regurgitated into something completely different. At times he seemed manipulative, as if he thrived on the paranoia of others. He was a weird guy.  
  
“And how did you meet this Spencer?”  
  
“He drove me home last night and then proceeded to leave to go to his own home.”  
  
Jason scoffed.  
  
“Listen, I got to go, he's going to be here soon.”  
  
“Ugh, fine, I'll just deal with Rich myself, but you owe me. Have fun.”  
  
“You too.”  
  
I grabbed my coffee out of the microwave and took a sip. Jason always stressed me out. He was too much for me. Sure, he was probably the closest thing I had to a friend, but most of the time he felt more like a burden. He was constantly involved in whatever drama had happen to fall into his lap and he was always so loud. I couldn't handle it.  
  
I sat and watched TV until I got a text from Spencer saying he was outside. I felt my stomach drop as I read the words. Half of me wanted to call the whole thing off and just hide in my bedroom until he left, but I knew that wasn't an option. I grabbed all my stuff and slipped on a pair of sneakers before stepping outside and locking the door behind me. In the driveway sat a large, black SUV with Spencer in the driver's seat. He was wearing dark sunglasses, a white button up, with a grey cardigan over top.  
  
I took a deep breath and jumped in the passenger side, flashing him an awkward, tight lipped smile as I pulled on my seat belt.  
  
“Hey.” He said, returning my weird smile.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
He pulled out of the driveway and we drove in silence for a couple of minutes before I finally felt guilty enough to say something. “So, uh, thank-you.”  
  
He glanced over at me, but said nothing.  
  
“For last night. I was a total bitch to you and I'm sorry and I-I just wanted to say thank-you, because what you did was really nice.” My heart was beating so fast I honestly thought I was going to die.  
  
“No problem,” he spoke without looking me, “I get it. Family can be tough sometimes.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“You're okay though?”  
  
I nodded. “I think so.”  
  
“Well, if you need anything...” He gave me a quick look before turning his attention back to the road.  
  
We got to the diner in ten minutes, which surprised me, because I figured at this point I'd been to every food place within a half an hour drive from my house. We parked in one of the spots closest to the building itself and went inside. I followed Spencer, watching as he greeted the hostess who told him to take a seat wherever. He picked a small booth near the back and instantly scanned the menu.  
  
I too scanned the menu. Everything sounded pretty good, but I eventually settled on cinnamon bun waffles, which sounded way too good to pass up. Moments later a waitress came up, giving Spencer a friendly hello before taking out orders and disappearing.  
  
“You come here a lot?” I asked.  
  
He shrugged. “I mean, I think once a week. Maybe two?”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“I'm usually here at night though.” He grabbed a sugar packet and started playing with it. “After long cases I usually come here and have some coffee.”  
  
“By yourself?”  
  
“With a book usually.” He chuckled.  
  
The waitress came back and dropped off some coffee and water. I took sip of coffee and instantly felt better. Something about it just made me calm. Spencer did the same, letting out a happy sigh as he placed his cup back on the table quietly.  
  
“So, tell me a bit about yourself.”  
  
I raised my brow. “Seriously?”  
  
“Yes. Seriously. We're going to have to hang out all day at the wedding. We might as well get to know each other now so we can enjoy ourselves.”  
  
“Fair enough.” I racked through my brain trying to think of interesting things to say. Other than work I had no life.  
  
He waited patiently, sipping his coffee.  
  
“I co-manage a brewery.” I stated.  
  
“Beer?”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“Interesting.”  
  
“I guess.” I shrugged. “I mean, I'm the only female there, which is kind of interesting. I don't know.”  
  
“Did you know in ancient Mesopotamia women were heavily involved in the making and trading of beer?”  
  
“Hm?” I raised my brow.  
  
Spencer nodded, leaning in excitedly. “At the time the majority of deities were depicted as male, however, there was this one named Ninsaki who was said to be the creator sikaru, or Sumerian beer. Hence why women were in charge of brewing.”  
  
His unexpected fact made me smile slightly. “You'd make a good trivia partner.”  
  
He laughed. “So I've been told.”  
  
“I should tell my coworkers that story. They'd be so mad.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Honestly, they're all pretty sexist.” I responded. “When I first started they absolutely hated me. They thought I was going to ruin the beer or something.” I rolled my eyes. “I remember my first day they wouldn't let me touch anything.”  
  
Spencer frowned. “Really?”  
  
“Yeah, I mean, I get when someone new comes along it's kind of hard to just hand someone the torch without feeling a bit uncomfortable, but you could tell right away they weren't giving me a chance strictly because I was woman.”  
  
“That's terrible.”  
  
“Eh, it's fine now. Sometimes they do things to make me mad, but now that I'm in charge they tread a lot lighter than they used to.” Aside from Jason. He was still a pain in my ass.  
  
“I mean, that's good.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“What else do you do?”  
  
“Honestly a whole lot of nothing. Work is... uh, kind of all I do. Other than eating and sleeping. What about you?”  
  
He stared at his coffee cup for a couple of moments before taking a sip and sighing. “I'm about the same actually. If I'm not working I'm at home reading or prepping for another case.”  
  
“We're just a couple of workaholics, I guess.”  
  
He smiled. “I don't think it's a bad thing. I like my job.”  
  
At that moment I realized how bad I felt. All these years I had put all my time and effort into my career that I lost track of everything else. It was sad really, especially given the fact that I no longer had a desire to be at work most of the time. Now that I was in charge I felt like I'd lost a sense of my dream. All I wanted to do was make beer, which sounded weird to most of the people I knew personally, but I didn't care. After I accepted the promotion to co-manage I realized I'd made a mistake. I didn't ask to run a business. I didn't ask to do a ton of paperwork. I didn't ask to have to have to deal with all the problems all by myself. I just wanted to go in, make some shit, and have fun while doing it. I missed that.  
  
The waitress arrived with our food and we began eating. Spencer ordered a whole plethora of food; bacon, eggs, toast, hash browns -the whole nine yards. He shoveled the food down so quickly and intensively we didn't even speak until he was finished.  
  
He sat back in his seat and took a long, much needed sip of water.  
  
“So, uh, what's it like being an agent or whatever anyways? I mean, of course if you're allowed to talk about that kind of stuff.” I shoveled another bite of waffle into my mouth.  
  
“It's a lot, which is to be expected,” he took a long pause, zoning out for a bit before saying anything else, “but it's probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done.”  
  
I smiled. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to do so, but I felt like I had to. I always envied people who found themselves and what they wanted earlier on in life. For some reason though, it made me happy knowing Spencer was happy. He seemed like such a selfless person.  
  
“That's awesome.”  
  
“Thanks. I really love it. Everyone on the team is supportive too.”  
  
“Are you friends with Derek?”  
  
He laughed. “Yeah, he's like my annoying older brother. He's constantly looking after me even when I really don't want it.”  
  
“He's really nice. We talked for a split second last night.”  
  
“Yeah,” Spencer pulled out his phone from his pocket, “hold on, I gotta' take this.” He slid out from the booth and walked out into the parking lot. I watched him as he paced back and forth outside for a couple of moments. His long legs moved gracefully across the pavement. He ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times too.  
  
I felt weird about staring at him for too long so I turned my attention to my own phone and scrolled through Instagram for something to do. Most of the people I followed were in the brewing industry so the majority of pictures were just glasses of beer. A couple of people I knew in real life posted selfies. Other than that though, not a lot was going on.  
  
“Hey sorry,” Spencer slid back into his seat, “Penelope was wondering if I could help set up some stuff. I can drop you off and pick you up later if you want?”  
  
“Uh, I can help.”  
  
I instantly regretting my decision. There wasn't a single cell in my body that wanted to be at this wedding longer than I was required to. All I wanted to do was show up, have a couple of drinks, eat a decent meal, and then leave to go back into hiding for another six months. It was what I was good at. However, I felt bad for making Spencer drive me everywhere. Sure, I could go home and drive myself, but what if another repeat of last night happened? That would make me feel even worse.  
  
“You sure?” He gave me an unimpressed look.  
  
I nodded.  
  
“You know your paren-”  
  
“I can do it.” I swallowed hard. “I think.”  
  
He looked at me. His eyes narrowing. Everything I was saying made him look cautious. It was like he knew something bad was going to happen before it happened. It made me feel weird, because here was this man I'd known for less than 24 hours and he'd already surpassed Jason on what you might consider a friend. He cared about me. At least I thought he did. It really seemed like that.  
  
“If you think you can do it.”  
  
I paid for our bills on the way out. Spencer insisted he pay for his own meal, but I wouldn't let him. Not after everything. We thanked our waitress and headed out to the SUV where we sat in our respective seats and threw on our seat belts. Spencer turned on the radio quietly in the background as we drove to the wedding venue, which was at my parents place.  
  
My parents were definitely loaded. Even as a child I remember all the things Kevin and I got over the years. We were spoiled to say the least. Up until graduation they paid for everything. Once I told them about how I wasn't going to university though, the deal was done. I was on my own. At first I was a little worried, but after a while I grew used to being on my own and looking after myself. Kevin still got the perks of the family money. Even to this day. However, he wasn't the kind of guy to flaunt it. Up until meeting our parents, Penelope had no idea what kind of money Kevin came from. Because of this, they offered to pay for the entire wedding. No questions asked. Neither of us were surprised when they told him. That's just the way they were. Anything for their little Kevin.  
  
We arrived around noon. Spencer and I parked near the front of the house. He stared at the building in front of us in amazement. To say it was huge was an understatement.  
  
“Welcome to the Lynch house.” I walked to the front door and opened it without knocking. Spencer followed closely behind as we walked through the main corridor and into what my parents called “the party room”. Dozens of people were running around like mad. They were all decorating, placing flowers and table settings everywhere.  
  
“Hello!” Penelope ran across the room at full speed, her heels clicking against the floor as she eventually met me with a tight, pain inducing hug. I hugged her back lightly, feeling my ability to breath slowly deplete the longer she held onto me. When she let me go she flashed me a wide smile, rubbing my shoulder. “I had no idea you were coming.”  
  
I nodded awkwardly.  
  
“Hey Penelope.” Spencer smiled.  
  
“Spence!” She hugged him too, tightly and for a long time.  
  
He glanced over at me wide eyed and mouthed the word  _help_.  
  
I snorted.  
  
“So, did Kevin ask you to come help too?” Penelope finally released Spencer from her grasp.  
  
“Uh...” I wasn't sure what to say. I looked over at Spencer.  
  
“Oh, uh, no,” his eyes darted between Penelope and I, “we were just having lunch and you called and Lor offered to come help out.”  
  
Penelope shot me a smirk, followed by an eyebrow raise. I could tell her brain was up to something and I knew I wasn't going to like it. I looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “Well, that's awesome.”  
  
We both nodded.  
  
“Spencer I think Kev could use some help out back. I don't know what he's doing, but maybe a strapping young man such as yourself can give him a hand.” She gave his arm a quick squeeze.  
  
He gave her an eye roll and peeled his arm from her grasp before shaking his head and leaving without another word.  
  
“Lunch huh?” She turned to face me, her smirk widened.  
  
“More like breakfast actually.”  
  
She opened her mouth to say something.  
  
“No, no, no,” I help my finger up, “we are not talking about this right now. We're doing wedding stuff.”  
  
She rolled my eyes. “Fine, but we will be having a conversation about this later when you're drunk and more willing to talk to me.” She grabbed my hand and led me towards one of the bedrooms upstairs. There sat a couple of people I recognized from the table last night. “Hey, we got another one to help celebrate.”  
  
We sat down and instantly one of the women handed me a glass of champagne. I smiled at Penelope. “Do you not need help at all?”  
  
Penelope shook her head. “Nah, the guys are out back doing all the work. Kevin insisted I just relax, so lucky for you the same applies.” She took a sip of her own drink and leaned back, letting out a happy sigh. “I love getting married.”  
  
The four of us sat and talked about a bunch of things. Slowly I remembered who the other women were. J.J. and Emily. After a bit of getting to know them I realized how nice they were. We talked about food and movies and other mundane things, but it was nice, especially after yesterday. I felt weirdly okay.  
  
In the middle of one of Penelope's work stories I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled out my phone. It was a message from Spencer.  
  
 _Where did you guys go?  
  
_

_We're upstairs drinking champagne._

_  
  
Well that seems highly unfair.  
  
_

_How so?_

_  
  
We're doing all the hard labor, while you're sitting and enjoying yourselves.  
  
_

_Such is life, I suppose._

_  
  
We're all done now. Kevin wants to say hi to you._  
  
I looked up from my phone to see the three of them smiling at me. I swallowed hard and drank the rest of whatever remained in my glass before standing up. “I, uh, Kev wants me.”  
  
“Yeah?” Penelope raised her brows and glanced at the two others who looked slightly confused.  
  
“Yup, so, uh, thanks for the drinks and the company, but I should go see what he wants.” I awkward walked towards the door, pausing quickly to wave.  
  
“Alright. See you soon.” Penelope chuckled.  
  
I bolted down the stairs to meet Kevin and Spencer who both had their hands shoved in their pockets. Kevin pulled me in for a small hug and smiled. “Wow, I can't believe you're here socializing life a real adult.”  
  
I pushed him away, rolling my eyes.  
  
“I came for Penelope. Not for you.”  
  
“Oh obviously.” He shared a look with Spencer. “So, uh, I see you two have met. Spencer was telling me you guys went for lunch. How was it?”  
  
I scrunched up my face, while Spencer cleared his throat. “I should, uh, go see Penelope for a sec.” He went up the stairs, pulling out his phone as he made his way.  
  
Everyone was acting so weird and I was starting to hate it. Mostly because I knew why. Every time I talked to a boy Kevin and Penelope jumped at the chance to hook me up with him. At first it was endearing, but after a while it grew old. The idea of meeting someone and settling down was never on my mind. Not even at the back of it.  
  
“You know Spencer's a pretty cool guy.”  
  
I gave him a dead stare.  
  
“I'm just saying. I see a lot of you guys in each other. I think you two would hit it off.”  
  
“That's nice of you to say, but I barely know the guy.”  
  
“He told me you asked him to lunch, Lor, what's up with that?”  
  
“I don't know! I felt bad. For last night or whatever. I wanted to make it up to him.”  
  
“Yeah, that's the weird part.” He shook his head. “You don't care about most people.”  
  
He was right. I never gave anyone the time of day. I was a lone wolf and despite it being more of a hindrance than anything that was just the kind of person I was. It was all I ever knew. Something about Spencer was different though. It felt right. Like suddenly he was meant to be around. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I liked it. I liked him. Up until now I hadn't realized how easy it was to talk to him. To sit in silence with him. Normally, just being around people made me want to crawl out of my own skin and run away, but not with him. He made me feel normal.  
  
“I, uh, I don't know.” I shook my head and stared at the floor. “He's just...”  
  
“It's okay to like people, Lor. In fact, it's very normal. Even for you.”  
  
“I know that. I just,” I tried to collect my thoughts, “I just hate when people make a big deal about it. You know?”  
  
He shook his head.  
  
“We literally showed up here together and both you and Penelope are already making assumptions. Why can't I just hang out with someone without being questioned?” I ran my fingers through my hair. I was frustrated. “I just like him. He's a good person.”  
  
“Okay, I get it.” He pulled me in for another hug. I didn't protest, but I also didn't return it. “I'll tell Penelope to lay off on the jokes. I'm sorry.”  
  
“It's fine.” I pulled away. “I just don't like when you guys pry. It's annoying and frankly a little high school, even for you guys.” I flashed him a smirk.  
  
He rolled his eyes.  
  
“Do you need anymore help or no?”  
  
“I could use some of your sick DJ skills to make a playlist for tonight?”  
  
I smiled. “I can definitely help with that.”  
  
He motioned me to follow. We wandered into the kitchen where he grabbed us each a beer. “You only get one until the reception.”  
  
I nodded and took a sip, pulling out my phone. I opened Spotify and started searching. Kevin searched too and for a while we sat and listened to songs, deciding whether or not to add them to the list. This lasted for probably about an hour before we realized we probably had enough. After that we sat at the table and talked about more mundane things like I had with the girls upstairs before.  
  
Overall I felt pretty good. It was like all my anxieties had been washed away. It was nice.


	3. chasing cars

Kevin and I did some other errands around the house before ultimately parting ways to go get ready. I went into my old bedroom and took a quick shower before doing my hair and makeup. It took about an hour before I was ready. I glanced down at my phone, which hadn't vibrated once since I left it.  
  
I threw on a pair of earrings and shoved my phone into the pocket of my dress, making sure to put it on silent. I then wandered out of the house to where the ceremony was being held. Seeing as it was summer, everyone decided it would be a good idea to have it outside. Chairs were set up in rows in front of the gazebo we had out back. There were bouquets of flowers located everywhere, along with ribbon and lace. The whole thing screamed classic wedding, which I guess was what they were going for.  
  
A bunch of people had already taken their seats. I scanned the area, trying to find a familiar face, but to no avail. I sat in an empty seat near the front and fiddled with the hem of my dress as I stared at the grass below me. I was excited for Kevin, but also feeling a bit more nervous than before. Without anyone by my side I felt uncomfortable again, which also made me feel kind of stupid. I was a grown woman, why couldn't I survive by myself?  
  
“Is this seat taken?” I looked up to see Derek. I smiled slightly and shook my head, watching as he slowly took a seat next to me and adjusted himself. He wore a similar outfit like the one yesterday, but this time it was covered my a nice blazer. “How's it going today?” He asked.  
  
“Better.” I breathed.  
  
“Where did you go last night?”  
  
“Uh, home. Wasn't feeling well.”  
  
He nodded. “Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.”  
  
We smiled awkwardly at each other before returning to ourselves. Derek pulled out his phone and started texting, while I merely stared forward. The ceremony was almost ready. Kevin stood at the alter with the officiate and his best man, who was one of his friends from university. I couldn't remember his name, but he looked familiar.  
  
“Hey.” Derek said.  
  
I looked over and saw Spencer. He gave me a little wave as he sat down on the other side of Derek. They spoke quietly to one another, while I merely sat and looked at the grass again. I didn't want to barge into their conversation.  
  
A couple of moments later the music started to play. A loud tune began playing by an organ from the front. Everyone instantly grew silent. The wedding was starting. Everyone watched as Penelope walked down the aisle with my Dad, which I knew would be the highlight of his night. He constantly brought up the fact that he'd never get the chance to give me away, because there was no way I was getting married.  
  
Once at the alter, Dad gave her a quick hug and returned to his seat, leaving her to stand next to Kevin. Penelope handed off her bouquet to Emily and grabbed his hands tightly. They smiled at each other.  
  
For the next hour we listening attentively as each person spoke. The whole thing was rather beautiful. I couldn't help, but sport a smile the whole time they said their vows. I was happy for them. They'd found their person and they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. When they kissed the whole audience erupted in a chorus of yelling and clapping. They laughed nervously and proceeded to run down the aisle into the house.  
  
“Wow they're really married.” Derek smiled, shaking his head.  
  
“Yeah. It feels weird.” Spencer added. “They've been together for so long I kind of forgot they still hadn't done this thing yet.”  
  
We stood up from our chairs and made our way into the house for cocktail hour. Once instead I ran straight up to the bar and ordered a beer.  
  
“Well that was quick.” Spencer chuckled. He ordered a drink for himself and followed me into the reception area. We found our table pretty quick and sat down.  
  
“You don't have to sit here, you know?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean, uh.” I don't know why I said anything. I felt my face grow hot. I let out a deep breath. “You don't have to be around me all the time.”  
  
“Do you want me to go?”  
  
“No, no, I mean.” What did I mean?  
  
He raised his brow.  
  
“I just don't want you to feel like you're babysitting me, especially because of last night.”  
  
“I'm not babysitting you.” He took a sip of his drink and leaned back in his chair. “Lor, I'm not the kind of person who likes meeting new people.”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“The only people I want to hang out with are people I already know and I see them every day and that can get boring.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “So, I guess you could say I'm glad I met you.”  
  
“You are?”  
  
“I, uh, yeah,” he blinked a couple of times, “it's nice, uh, having someone new to talk to.”  
  
I smiled wide. Wider than I would've liked, but I could help it. The idea of having someone admit to enjoying my company wasn't something I was used to. It felt nice though. Having another person who wasn't Jason or my brother to interact with was something I liked the sound of.  
  
“I'm really glad you're here.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Sorry if that sounds dumb or whatever.” I felt like I needed to tell him how appreciative I was of him. It had been so long since I had a friend to turn to. “I don't like meeting new people either.”  
  
“Well, then, it's probably good we met then.” He laughed slightly. “Seeing as friendship helps reduce stress and you seem to have a lot of it.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink.  
  
We sat in silence for a while, taking in the atmosphere of the room. People had begun piling in with their drinks, talking among themselves in groups. Spencer and I watched as people spoke and laughed with one another. It was kind of nice not being alone, but still being on the sidelines.  
  
“I've never been to a wedding before.” I blurted out.  
  
“Really?”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“I've been to a couple.” He took a moment to count. “This is my fourth.”  
  
“How does it compare?”  
  
“It's probably my favourite, I think.”  
  
“Yeah?” I smiled.  
  
He smiled too. “Yeah.”  
  
A couple of Spencer's coworkers came and sat down. They were a pair of older men I recognized from yesterday. They sat a couple of seats away, smiling at us the whole time.  
  
“I see you've made a new friend.” The older of the two gentleman had a thick black beard and wrinkled skin. He wore a grey suit. Despite his droopy eyes he looked content.  
  
“Uh, yes, this is Lor. Kevin's sister.”  
  
“We met briefly last night. David Rossi.” He held out his hand.  
  
I took it lightly and smiled. “Hi.”  
  
“This is Hotch.”  
  
“I have a first name Spencer.” He laughed. “I'm Aaron.” We shook hands as well.  
  
“Nice to meet you guys... again.”  
  
“Enjoying the wedding?” David asked.  
  
“Yeah. It's nice seeing them so happy.” I wasn't sure what else to say. I wasn't the greatest at small talk.  
  
We spoke a little bit more about the wedding before David and Aaron went to grab another drink. Once they were gone I turned to Spencer. “They seem nice.”  
  
“They are. They're a little intense, but you get used to it if you're around them enough.”  
  
“That's fair.” I took a couple of sips of my drink, watching as more and more people started filing in. I checked my phone. It was nearly five, which meant dinner would be starting soon.  
  
“I think I'm going to get another drink. You want another one?” Spencer stood from his chair.  
  
I looked at my almost empty glass and then at him, nodding.  
  
He left, but returned soon after with another drink for each of us. He set mine down in front of me before sitting back down and leaning back. He stretched his arms above his head and let out a small yawn.  
  
“Tired?”  
  
He nodded. “I didn't sleep much last night.”  
  
“That was probably my fault, sorry.” I still felt bad for having to drive so much.  
  
“It's honestly fine.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
The rest of our table entered the reception room, all sitting down at once to greet Spencer and I. I felt overwhelmed again, being around so many people I barely knew. I focused on my breathing as I stared at the table. I could feel Spencer staring at me, but I ignored him. Everyone talked and laughed with one another, while we waited for our food, leaving me alone to gather my thoughts. As anxious as I felt though, it was definitely an improvement of yesterday.  
  
I pulled out my phone and noticed I had a text from Jason.  
  
 _How's the date?_  
  
I glanced over at Spencer who was talking to Derek. He had his drink in his hand and he was smiling.  
  


_It's not a date._

_  
  
Okay, okay. How's the wedding then?  
  
_

_It's good._

_  
  
You're okay? No freak outs?  
  
_

_Nope._

_  
  
Wow. I'm surprised.  
  
_

_Shut up._

_  
  
Fine. Just holler if you need anything.  
  
_

_Okay._

  
  
I shoved my phone back into my pocket and took a sip. Like usual, Jason had hit a nerve. He always knew just the thing to say to get me in a bad mood. I never understood it, it was like his own personal super power and I hated it.  
  
Spencer leaned over to me. “You good?” He whispered.  
  
I nodded. “Yeah. Just work stuff.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Soon after we ate dinner, which was amazing to say the least. Spencer and I were silent the entire time, shoveling in mouthful after mouthful until we were too full to even sit up straight. We slouched back in our chairs and smiled at one another, laughing slightly at the sight.  
  
Once dinner was finished the speeches began. They were the same ones as last night so I barely paid attention. Every so often I would catch a glance of Spencer who's arms were inevitably crossed against his chest. He gave his full attention to each person, clapping whenever they were finished. When it was Derek's turn I felt a little more anxious. He spoke with the same volume and confidence as last night. I tried to pay attention, but all the emotions from yesterday came flooding back. I fiddled with the hem of my dress and breathed in and out, staring at my kneecaps. I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible, but as time went on it became difficult. I let out a heavy breath and ran my fingers through my hair, looking around in desperation. Spencer met my gaze and instantly realized I was panicking again.  
  
He leaned towards me again. “What do you need?”  
  
I shrugged. I honestly didn't know what I needed.  
  
He watched as my chest heaved up and down violently. I could feel myself losing the ability to breathe. I watched his eyes dart in various directions before landing back at me. He grabbed my wrist and turned it over so my palm was facing upwards. He started tracing circles onto it, slowly and carefully. “It's okay. You're okay.” He whispered.  
  
I stared down at my hand, watching him trace. It was so soothing.  
  
Derek's speech ended and everyone started clapping. I tore my hand out of Spencer's grasp and joined in, feeling a little bit calmer than before. I took a couple of deep breaths before feeling completely normal again.  
  
“How did you do that?” I asked as I leaned closer towards him.  
  
“Sensory experiences help combat panic attacks. It gives your brain something else to focus on.” He responded.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“You sure you're okay?”  
  
“I think I need some air.”  
  
“Want me to come?”  
  
I shook my head. Now that the speeches were over I felt okay to step out for a couple of minutes. I made my way out of the house towards the back. I pulled out my phone and called Kevin, hoping by some crazy miracle he'd have his phone on him. I walked out to the gazebo and sat down on the edge as I listened to the phone ring a couple of times.  
  
“Why are you calling me? Did you leave again?”  
  
“I'm just outside. You got a minute?”  
  
He sighed. “I mean, I'm only hanging out at my own wedding, but sure I'll be there in a minute.”  
  
I hung up. I wasn't sure what was going on with my brain. The only thing I did know was that I needed to talk to Kevin.  
  
He showed up five minutes later, clutching a drink in his left hand. He motioned me to move over and when I did he sat down, groaning as he did so. “What's up?”  
  
“They're happening again.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“The panic attacks. They're uh, they're getting worse.”  
  
“Is that why you left last night?”  
  
I nodded.  
  
“Did you have another one?”  
  
I nodded again. “Spencer helped though.”  
  
Kevin raised his brow as he sipped his drink. “He's helped you a lot, hasn't he?”  
  
“Yeah. It's weird.”  
  
“It's good though, right?”  
  
“Kev, I feel so weird.” I turned to face him. “I feel like I know him, like he just understands how I feel and it's dumb and weird and I don't know how else to explain it, but having him around makes everything better.” Everything I wanted to say came out like word vomit. The only problem was I wasn't entirely sure what I was trying to say in the first place. “I guess what I'm trying to say is Spencer is different. He's nice and caring and smart and everything he does just makes me happy.”  
  
“Are you trying to tell me you like him?”  
  
“I don't know! I've never liked anyone before!”  
  
Kevin scoffed. “Yes you have. What about Will?”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “That was high school. This is completely different.”  
  
“Okay, uh, so.” he set his drink down behind him on the gazebo and pressed his hands on either side of his face. He looked stressed. “Everything feels better when he's around and despite not knowing each other for very long you trust him. You can't think of a time when he wasn't in your life and thinking about it now kind of freaks out you. He's a calming presence and knows exactly how to make sure you're okay.”  
  
I nodded over and over again, agreeing with everything he was saying. It felt weird hearing it out loud, but was also a bit reassuring in a way. It made me feel like I wasn't entirely crazy.  
  
“Lor, I think you like him then.” He let out a small laugh.  
  
I threw my head into my hands and groaned. “Holy fuck, I think you're right.” I turned to face him, wide-eyed. “Wait, what do I do?”  
  
He shrugged. “Ask him out or something. I don't know.”  
  
“I can't do that!”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“We're at your wedding!”  
  
He laughed again. “Just because you're at a wedding doesn't mean you can't find yourself a nice guy. Wedding's are all about hooking up, you know?”  
  
I scrunched up my face.  
  
“Listen, I got to go back and entertain Mom and Dad for a little bit longer so they don't get mad.” He stood up from his seat and grabbed his drink. “Do or don't do whatever you want. Just try and have at least a little bit of fun, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
After Kevin left I sat by myself for a while. Honestly, it was nice having a moment alone to just think about everything that had happened. Not only did I have a new friend, but somehow over the course of 24 hours said friend had developed into a crush, which seemed unfair. We barely knew each other, yet, my brain couldn't deny the attraction. At least mine. I liked him. A lot. And as strange and annoying it was to admit to myself I couldn't just pretend it wasn't real.  
  
“Lor?”  
  
I looked up. It was Spencer. I felt my face grow hot. “Uh, hey.”  
  
He sat next to me. “How's it going?”  
  
“Better.”  
  
“Fresh air hit the spot?”  
  
I nodded. “I talked to Kevin for a bit too.”  
  
“That's good.”  
  
“Hey, uh, question.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“That thing you did with my panic attack. What did you call it again?”  
  
“Sensory experiences.”  
  
“Interesting.”  
  
“Did it help?”  
  
“Yeah, actually it helped a lot.”  
  
He smiled. “Good.”  
  
“You're really good at helping.” I stated. I felt stupid saying it out loud.  
  
“Well, I do work for the FBI so it probably helps that I'm helpful.”  
  
I chuckled.  
  
“We should probably go back inside.” He stood up and lent me his hand.  
  
I grabbed it tightly, feeling his weight pull me up from the gazebo. Once standing, I kept holding his hand. I didn't want to stop.  
  
“If your panic attacks start up again do you want me to do the tracing again?”  
  
I swallowed hard, realizing he hadn't let go either. “Uh, yeah, I think that would help.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He flashed me a small smile and gave my hand a tight squeeze before ultimately releasing it. I instantly missed the feeling, but didn't mention anything of it. We walked back into the house silently, our arms crossed over our chests as we made our way back to the reception area. Once inside we sat down and talked some more about a variety of things. Every so often one of Spencer's friends would chime in and we'd talk to them, but for the majority of the night it was just us.  
  
By the time 10 PM rolled around almost everyone was on the dance floor. Apparently our playlist expedition proved successful. I watched as Kevin and Penelope danced to each song more excitedly than the last. They looked so happy. I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. At one point Derek barged in and stole Penelope away, which Kevin allowed. During said dance I noticed Kevin motioning me to join him, but I just shook my head.  
  
“Not much of a dancer?” Spencer asked.  
  
“I'm not drunk enough yet.” I downed the rest of my drink and let out a small, slightly uncomfortable chuckle.  
  
With each song a new group of people stepped up to dance. There were a couple of songs I found myself bobbing to the music to while sitting in my chair, but I never stood up. During these moments I caught Spencer staring at me. He was smiling. At one point I smiled back.  
  
Once the current song ended another began. It started off with a soft piano. The second I heard the first note I felt my heart flutter inside my chest. I took a deep breath. It was  _Chasing Cars_ , my favourite song.  
  
“Hey?”  
  
I turned to Spencer. “Hm?”  
  
“Do you want to dance?”  
  
“I, uh...” As nervous as I felt about dancing with Spencer I also felt excited. I nodded my head, watching as he stood up without another word. He lent me his hand, which I grabbed without thinking. He led me onto the dance floor, stopping at a spot near the middle. With his free hand he pulled me closer, resting it on my hip. I placed mine on his shoulder and without a second thought we began swaying.  
  
“Can I ask you something?” I bit my bottom lip.  
  
“Sure.” He replied.  
  
“Do you ever just meet someone and instantly just...” I swallowed hard. I didn't want to sound stupid.  
  
“Connect?”  
  
“Yeah!”  
  
“Like what we're doing?”  
  
My stomach flipped. Did he feel the same way? “Uh, y-yeah.”  
  
“No. I've never had that. I mean, at least until now.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
He nodded.  
  
“It's weird.”  
  
“I agree it's pretty strange, but I'm glad it happened.” I felt him pull me closer. “I now have someone new to talk to.” He smiled.  
  
I smiled too. “It's really nice having someone around who understands how my brain works.”  
  
“Do people not normally understand?”  
  
I shook my head.  
  
“That's a shame. You have a nice brain.”  
  
I chuckled. “I mean, I don't think it's very nice, but thanks.”  
  
“Well, sure it has it's downfalls. It constantly lies to you, but it's made you a great person. At least in my opinion. I might be biased.”  
  
“What do you mean it's lying to me?”  
  
“Well, for starters it seems like you're constantly in fight or flight mode. You're always nervous and sad, even though you shouldn't be. I understand why you are. Given the circumstances -at least from what I know- you've been through a lot. It makes sense. However, that doesn't mean you still don't deserve to be happy.”  
  
It felt like my breathing had completely stopped. My chest tightened and my stomach churned nervously. I stared at Spencer, his tired eyes looking back at me. I pressed my lips together tightly.  
  
“I know we barely know each other, but after tonight I'd like to talk to you again sometime.”  
  
I nodded. “Me too.”  
  
“I have to go back to work tomorrow, but I'll try and keep in touch. Even if it's just over text.”  
  
“Okay.” I smiled.  
  
He did too.  
  
I pulled him tightly against me, enveloping him in the tightest hug I could muster. It had no comparison to a Penelope hug, but it was good enough for me. Spencer's grip was light at first, but as time went on his arms tightened around me and we continued swaying. I rested my head against his chest. It felt warm and safe. A feeling that was very foreign to me. For the rest of the song we stayed like that, holding each other as tightly as possible. Once the song was over we separated. I could feel my face grow hot as I looked at his face. We couldn't stop smiling.  
  
“I, uh, think I'm done for tonight.” He ran his fingers through his hair as we walked back to our table. “Do you mind if I drive you home? Or if you want I c-”  
  
“No, no, it's cool. I should probably go home too.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
We said our goodbyes to Kevin and Penelope, hugging them tightly as we congratulated them. They smirked at us the entire time, which made me realize they'd probably been watching us dance. I ignored them. After that we said a quick goodbye to our table. Everyone smiled happily, telling me how much they enjoyed my company. I agreed with them and then we parted ways.  
  
Spencer and I walked to his vehicle and got inside. The whole ride home we listened to  _Chasing Cars_  and the rest of Snow Patrol's discography. I had to force myself not to smile the whole way home.  
  
We got to my house sooner than I would've liked. Once in the driveway Spencer parked the car, but neither of us got out. I stared forward, trying to find the right thing to say or do, but my brain couldn't process a single thing.  
  
“I had a lot of fun.”  
  
I turned to face him. He looked pretty worn out. “Me too. Thanks again... for everything.”  
  
“It's no problem.”  
  
We sat in silence, but this time it was different. There was an uncomfortable feeling between us, like we both had so much to say, but neither of us were willing to say it. We kept glancing over at one another, smiling before quickly turning away.  
  
“I should, uh, get going.” He sounded sad.  
  
“Probably.” I figured that was the cue to leave so I unbuckled my seat belt and reached for the door handle. Before I could leave though, Spencer grabbed my other hand.  
  
“I meant what I said about seeing you again.”  
  
I turned to face him. “I meant it too.” I looked down at our hands. They looked so nice together.  
  
“I'm not good at this stuff.”  
  
“What stuff?”  
  
“People stuff.”  
  
“Well, I think we both know I'm not either.”  
  
He chuckled.  
  
“You should probably get home and get some sleep.” I so badly wanted him to stay, but I knew he couldn't.  
  
“Okay.” He released my hand and I jumped out of the SUV. Instead of going straight to my house though, I walked to his side and opened the door. I stood there for a couple of seconds before reaching in and giving him another hug. I wrapped my arms around his stomach, feeling as his arms slowly snaked around my upper body. We pulled each other close like we had earlier and stayed like that for a while.


	4. self care

“You didn't kiss him?”

I glared at my desk as I silently scanned a couple of order forms. Like usual, Jason was in my office causing me a vast amount of stress.

“What kind of prude are you?”

I scoffed and looked up at him. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. “Why are you here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you in my office and not in the warehouse with the rest of your guys?”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, originally I did come here to tell you that despite the outage we've managed to catch back up on our orders, but when I got here I noticed you looked a little sad so I decided to try and cheer you up.” His usual devilish smirk creeped across the lower half of his face.

“If it isn't work related could you please leave. Rich is on my fucking ass about budgets.”

“Pfft, fuck budgets.” Jason walked towards my desk, sitting on the chair opposite of me. “Let's talk about you. How are you doing? You feeling good?”

I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling. “Jason I swear to god if y-”

“Okay, okay.” He held up his hands in defense. “I'm sorry. I just thought you might want to talk about last night or something. It's not like you can talk to this guy about himself.”

As annoying as he was, he was right. I thought about calling Penelope or even Kevin this morning, but decided against it. They'd probably just try to play matchmaker again.

I let out a deep sigh and gave Jason an unimpressed look as I weighed the pros and cons of opening up to him. On one hand, it would probably be good to get everything off my chest. On the other, no matter what I said he's probably use it against me somehow in the future.

“I can't do this right now.” I grabbed a couple of papers on my desk and started organizing them. “I really need you on the floor. You know how everyone gets when you're not around.”

“Lor, come on. Are you seriously not going to tell me?”

“Tell you what? That I met a very nice guy last night and I think I like him, but I was too much of a fucking idiot to tell him? Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to rub it in my face or something? Because honestly Jason, I am so tired of you and this job and everything. I just, I just want a break.”

He stared at me for a couple of seconds before leaning forward in his chair. He rested his elbows on his knees, placing his chin on his hands. He flashed me a small smile.

“What?” I asked angrily.

“So you like him?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“Are you going to see him again?”

I rolled my eyes. I was already over this conversation, but I knew if I stopped now Jason would keep prying. “I think so.”

“When?”

“I don't know!” I slumped down in my chair, feeling somewhat defeated. “He works out of town a lot apparently, so he said he'll text me.”

“Oh.” Jason screwed up his face.

“What's that look for?”

“Are you sure he wants to talk to you? Maybe you scared him off with your lack of sex ap-”

“Oh my god!” I grabbed my name tag off my desk and chucked it at him.

I managed to hit him on the shoulder. He clutched it and both of us watched as the huge hunk of metal fell against the floor. “Ow, for fuck sakes.”

I pointed towards the door. “Go make yourself useful or I'll tell Rich you were harassing me again.”

He tired not to smirk as he stood up and walked towards the doorway. Once in the hall he turned back and pointed towards me. “You know if you're ever feeling a lonely you can always come over again.”

I closed my eyes and breathed heavily. I heard him laugh and walk away before I opened them back up again. Once he was gone I felt more on edge than I had before. I stood up and walked towards my door, locking it quickly before pulling my phone out of my back pocket to check my messages.

I didn't have a single one. I sighed deeply and wandered back to my desk, throwing my head in my hands as I thought about what Jason had said.

Back when I had my old position Jason and I hooked up a lot. I wasn't sure how it started. It was like one day he wasn't around and the next he was. He constantly bombarded me with sexual advances that seemed endearing at first, but slowly developed into more of an annoyance than anything. I remember one of the last night's we had sex I told him about how Rich offered me a promotion. I thought he'd be happy for me, but instead he was pissed. According to him, Rich kept telling him the job would be his. After that, things got a little weird. We stopped talking. Even during work hours Jason avoided me like the plague. At first I took it pretty personally, but after a while, I realized it was stupid of me to care. It wasn't like we were dating. It was just sex.

Then the Christmas incident happened. I remember waking up at his house completely naked in his bed. I don't remember anything, but I figured sex was definitely on the table. Every so often he'd bring it up just to piss me off, which sucked, because it always deemed effective.

For a while I sat at my desk, completely motionless, just staring at the wall. My emotions were everywhere. All I wanted was to take a minute to breathe and get my thoughts in order. This obviously proved more difficult, because every time I'd feel any sense of calm the image of Spencer would pop up again and my heartbeat would quicken and my hands would start sweating. I hated how dumb I got when I thought about him.

Once that plan failed I went back to working. I did a read through of all the budgets and made some adjustments on things I thought were necessary. It took longer than I expected, but it gone done and that was all that mattered.

My phone rang from inside my back pocket.

“Hello?”

“Hey. How are you feeling?” It was Kevin.

“Tired.” I rubbed my eyes. After I left Spencer last night I basically stared at the ceiling all night trying not to explode. “You?”

“About the same.”

“What time did you guys finish up?”

“Around two.” He groaned. “Penelope refused to leave until the last guest did, which of course was Derek who loves to party.”

I laughed. “Did you at least have fun?”

“Oh yeah. Loads.”

“Well, good, that's all that matters.”

“Did you and Spencer have a good time?”

I sighed. “Uh, yeah, actually we did.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“About?”

“What you talked to me about.”

“I mean, not directly.” I grabbed a pencil from my drawer and began tapping it on the desk. “We talked about how we'd like to hang out again, but neither of us mentioned like, feelings or whatever.”

“I mean, that's good.”

“I guess.”

“Penelope thinks he likes you too.”

“Ugh.” I shuddered.

Kevin laughed. “What?”

“Just the way everyone is talking to me about it makes me feel like I'm back in middle school. I fucking hate it.” I shook my head. “Like, Jason was so annoying about it today.”

“What did he say?” I could hear Kevin switch to overprotective brother mode. He hated Jason. Even before he met him. I remember he used to tell me to stay away from him because he seemed like bad news. Obviously I didn't listen.

“He just wouldn't leave until I told him what happened. Yesterday I made the mistake of mentioning we went for lunch and he basically pestered the whole story out of me.” I groaned. “Then he made some lovely sexual advances my way, which I not so politely declined.”

Kevin snorted.

“I threw my name tag at his throat.”

“Did you get him?”

“Alas, missed the jugular, but managed to clip him on his shoulder.”

He laughed. “Good.”

“Anyways, I gotta' give Rich some paperwork, but text me or whatever when you get a chance.”

“Okay.”

“Cool. Bye Kev.”

“See you.”

I threw my phone and the pencil I'd been playing with onto my desk and grabbed the paperwork I needed. I adjusted my shirt and opened the door to my office. Once in the hall I took a deep breath and walked over to Rich's doorway, knocking a couple of times before hearing him call out to me.

“Hey, here's the budgets.” I threw the papers on his desk and sat in the chair across from him.

Rich looked a lot younger than he was. He was a broad, smooth skinned man with thick dark hair and stubble across his face. Every day he came to work dressed like he was off to the red carpet.

“Lor,” he cocked his head and flashed me a wide grin, “how was the wedding?”

I stuck out my tongue and rolled my eyes, causing him to laugh.

“That good, huh?”

I didn't feel like telling him about Spencer. Not that it was any of his business anyways. Most of the time I was very open with Rich. I remember during my interview we talked about how he valued honestly in his employees. When I got hired I basically became an open book in hopes that he would like me. I suppose it worked seeing as I was basically his partner now.

“My weekend was good.” He leaned back in his chair and let out a small groan. “Thanks for asking.”

I rolled my eyes. “Was it everything you could've ever hoped for?”

“Indeed it was.” He smirked.

“Well, good, I'm glad.”

“Aren't you going to ask what I did?”

I chuckled. “Okay, what did you do?”

“I got Duncan on board.”

I stared at him wide eyed. Duncan was an old friend and potential investor of Rich's. I remember a couple of months back we talked about trying to convince him to sign a contract with us to open up a restaurant and tasting room near the brewery to draw in more people. He seemed pretty iffy about the whole thing, but apparently he was officially on board.

“That's amazing! Holy shit!”

“I know!” Rich wiggled excited in his chair, punching the air a couple of times. “We've got a couple of legal meetings set up over the course of the next few weeks, but if everything goes well we'll start renovations in the spring.”

I leaned back in my chair, smiling wide. I couldn't believe he actually did it.

“Was that why you needed the budgets so fast?”

He nodded. “I want to try and cut as much unneeded money as possible so we can start putting it into this. The sooner we start saving the sooner we can get this thing up and running.”

“So, I guess that means we're running a tighter ship than usual?”

“It would seem so.” He sighed. I could tell he was feeling the stress already despite the excitement. “You ready?”

“As I'll ever be I guess.”

“Good.” He stood up from his seat and motioned me to do the same. We walked me to the doorway, pulling me in for a big hug. “I'm proud of you. I know this job's been hard on you lately, but I believe you're going to do great things Lor.”

“Thanks Rich.” I hugged him back. “Congrats by the way.”

“Now,” he released me from his grasp, “get back to work. If you can the orders from last week done by today I would be very thankful.”

“I'm on it.” I gave him a small salute and walked back to my office.

It was days like these where I didn't mind my job so much. Everything was running smoothly and the stress Jason had provided me this morning had been washed away by the good news. I sat at my desk for a good hour after that, working on orders from various different clients. Half way through I felt the need to tell someone my good news. Without even thinking I called Spencer who answered after only a couple of rings.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon.”

“Uh, yeah,” I laughed nervously, “I uh, got good news at work today.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We got a huge investment so we're expanding.”

“Really?”

“Yup. I, uh, I don't know why I'm telling you this. Sorry.” I shook my head. “I just felt the need to tell someone or whatever.”

“No, no, it's fine. I'm glad you called me. I was going to call you later anyways.”

“Oh?” I bit my bottom lip and leaned my elbows on my desk.

“I'm leaving for Florida in a couple of hours. I don't know how long I'm going to be gone for, but I wanted to ask if you wanted to go for dinner or something when I get back.”

My heart exploded at the thought of seeing him again.

“Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

He laughed. “Well, uh okay then. I'll, uh, keep you posted I guess?”

“Sounds good.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” I nodded. The smile I'd been trying to hold in the entire time creeped across my face slowly. “I should let you go probably.”

“Yeah I'm kind of in a meeting right now.”

“Oh shit, sorry.”

“It's okay. It's okay. I'll talk to you soon though.”

“Yes. See you soon.”

“Bye.”

I hung up the phone and sat there. Was that him asking me on a date? Or was that just us hanging out as friends? I honestly didn't know. I put my phone back on my desk and tried to focus on work, but to no avail. For what felt like hours I sat there, staring at the numbers, unable to do anything I was required to. I felt like a complete idiot.

A knock sounded at my door soon after. “Come in.”

It was Rich. He was holding a six pack of beer, smiling wide. “How's it going in here?”

“Honestly?” I took a deep breath. “I, uh, am feeling a little unfocused for a particular reason involving a boy who may or may not have just asked me out and honestly I think the only reason I'm telling you this is because if I don't tell someone I might just explode.”

Rich let out a roaring laugh. He placed the beer on my desk, shaking his head. “Why don't you take the rest of the day off? I think we could use some time to celebrate.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Take this home too.” He pushed the six pack closer towards me. “Share it with your guy.”

I didn't feel like correcting him, so I merely just smiled and stood up. Rich said a quick goodbye before leaving the office. Once alone, I gathered my belongings and left, locking the door behind me. I walked through the building, smiling at passerby's as I made it to the front entrance. I checked my phone one last time, while walking through the parking lot. I had a text from Penelope.

UM PLEASE TELL ME THAT WAS YOU ON THE PHONE WITH SPENCER???

I hopped into my car and quickly replied before heading home.

What are you talking about?

The rest of the day was extremely uneventful. I got home and pretty much went into full veg mode. I shoveled forkfuls of instant ramen noodles and beer into my stomach, while watching some murder documentary on Netflix. Following that, I had a long, much needed bath full of essential oils. By the end of the night I felt more relaxed than ever before. I felt like I could breathe again.

In bed, I saw that Penelope had messaged me about half a dozen times.

HE ASKED SOMEONE ON A DATE OVER THE PHONE IN OUR MEETING.  
YOU MEAN IT WASN'T YOU???  
LOR?  
LOR PLEASE REPLY.  
I NEED ANSWERS IMMEDIATELY.  
HE WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING.  
LOOOOOOOOR.

I giggled to myself.

I honestly don't know what you're talking about. I've literally been swamped at work all day...

She never responded back, which I figured would happen. She probably got bored and forgot all about it by now.

I curled up under my blankets, letting out a long yawn before glancing at the time. It was nearly 9 PM, which for me was pretty early. For some odd reason I felt super tired. I figured it was because of all the excitement the weekend had to offer. I plugged in my phone, setting an alarm for the morning, and then got comfortable. In a matter of minutes I was out.


End file.
